Half A World Away- Distantly In Love

Pay phones all were ringing as the crowd went roarin' by
Lovely dancers swaying to an island lullaby
Beside the southern ocean taking stock of what's to be
Writing you this letter that you'll probably never see

But I can't help but be
Ruled by inconsistency
Not unique just distantly in love

Tried to phone from Paris thinking
Things could be arranged
Me and you could rendezvous
But I found your number changed
So I drove to San Remo where
The crazy painter dwells
And toasted our old photographs
Still up there on his shelf

But I can't help but be
Ruled by my antiquity
Not unique just distantly in love
I can't be the one to fill
Your times and all your places
I can't be the one to fill
Your blanks and empty spaces

I heard it from a friend of ours
I saw in Timber Bay
That you had a new lover who had
Stolen you away
That could be be the reason that
I never got in touch
And may present slight problems
If he loves you half as much

As I who can't help but be
Ruled by my antiquity
Not unique just distantly in love
You know I can't help but be
Part of my own philosophy
Not unique just distantly in love

Literary Passion- Love In The Library

 

On the corner of Government and Bay Avenue
The old doomsday fanatic wore a crown of kudzu
Sirens were wailing in the gulf coastal heat
And it seemed like the whole world was in forced retreat

 

I paid no attention as to who revolved through the door
Passing the newspaper rack on the worn marble floor
Near civil war history my heart skipped a beat
She was standing in fiction stretched high on bare feet

Love in the library, quiet and cool
Love in the library, there are no rules
Surrounded by stories surreal and sublime
I fell in love in the library once upon a time

I was the pirate and she was the queen
Sir Francis and Elizabeth the best there's ever been
Then she strolled past my table and stopped at the stairs
Then sent me a smile as she reached for Flaubert

Love in the library, quiet and cool
Love in the library, there are no rules
Surrounded by stories surreal and sublime
I fell in love in the library once upon a time

She gathered her books, walked while she read
Words never spoken but so much was said
You can read all you want into this rendezvous
But it's safer than most things that lovers can do

Well stories have endings and fantasies fade
And the guard by the door starts drawing the shade
So write your own ending and hope they come true
For the lovers and strangers on Bay Avenue

Love in the library, quiet and cool
Love in the library, there are no rules
Surrounded by stories surreal and sublime
I fell in love in the library once upon a time

Literary Passion- Love In The Library

On the corner of Government and Bay Avenue
The old doomsday fanatic wore a crown of kudzu
Sirens were wailing in the gulf coastal heat
And it seemed like the whole world was in forced retreat

I paid no attention as to who revolved through the door
Passing the newspaper rack on the worn marble floor
Near civil war history my heart skipped a beat
She was standing in fiction stretched high on bare feet

Love in the library, quiet and cool
Love in the library, there are no rules
Surrounded by stories surreal and sublime
I fell in love in the library once upon a time

I was the pirate and she was the queen
Sir Francis and Elizabeth the best there's ever been
Then she strolled past my table and stopped at the stairs
Then sent me a smile as she reached for Flaubert

Love in the library, quiet and cool
Love in the library, there are no rules
Surrounded by stories surreal and sublime
I fell in love in the library once upon a time

She gathered her books, walked while she read
Words never spoken but so much was said
You can read all you want into this rendezvous
But it's safer than most things that lovers can do

Well stories have endings and fantasies fade
And the guard by the door starts drawing the shade
So write your own ending and hope they come true
For the lovers and strangers on Bay Avenue

Love in the library, quiet and cool
Love in the library, there are no rules
Surrounded by stories surreal and sublime
I fell in love in the library once upon a time

Literary Passion- Love In The Library

On the corner of Government and Bay Avenue
The old doomsday fanatic wore a crown of kudzu
Sirens were wailing in the gulf coastal heat
And it seemed like the whole world was in forced retreat
I paid no attention, revolved through the door
Passed the newspaper rack on the worn marble floor
Near civil war history my heart skipped a beat
She was standing in fiction stretched high on bare feet

Love in the library, quiet and cool
Love in the library, there are no rules
Surrounded by stories surreal and sublime
I fell in love in the library once upon a time

I was the pirate and she was the queen
Sir Francis and Elizabeth the best there's ever been
Then she strolled past my table and stopped at the stairs
Then sent me a smile as she reached for Flaubert

Love in the library, quiet and cool
Love in the library, there are no rules
Surrounded by stories surreal and sublime
I fell in love in the library once upon a time

She gathered her books, walked while she read
Words never spoken but so much was said
You can read all you want into this rendezvous
But it's safer than most things that lovers can do
Well stories have endings and fantasies fade
The guard by the door starts drawing the shade
So write your own ending and hope they come true
For the lovers and strangers on Bay Avenue

Love in the library, quiet and cool
Love in the library, there are no rules
Surrounded by stories surreal and sublime
I fell in love in the library once upon a time

We Were Three

The old lady on the park bench
In the park with just one tree
Was there from the very first day
That you were part of me
It seemed like she'd been sitting there
Since 1000 B.C.
And you said, "She is as permanent
As anything can be."

From that first day
We were three
The old lady and you and me

You sat there in the window
You were looking 'cross the street
You said, "The birds and the old lady
Yet the same bread crumbs they eat."
I could not get you back to bed
'Till you took them both a treat
And I learned that you were twice as stubborn
As you could be sweet

From that first day
We were three
The old lady and you and me

Do you remember that summer rain storm
On the day that you moved in
I was caught in the excitement
Of what was to begin
Well, you disappeared for a little while
And when I asked you where you'd been
You said you'd lent the old lady my new umbrella
Then you gave me that wicked grin

From that first day
We were three
The old lady and you and me

Yes on March 21st the first day of Spring
The old lady would be there
Spend all the days of summer
Then she'd disappear somewhere
Where she spent her falls and her winters, babe
No one was aware
But you were the first to wonder
Yeah, you were the first to care

It was three years we were together
The old lady held that spot
Through the nights when life was wonderful
Through the days when it was not
And the times we were in trouble
In a way we sometimes got
Just knowing that she was out there
Meant we gave it just one more shot

From that first day
We were three
The old lady and you and me

Well it's March 21st the first day of Spring
And you know what I had to do
I got up and I ran to the window
To confirm what I already knew
I wish I had your address
To send this letter to
You see the old lady's not on the park bench
And I'm still wondering where are you?
Where are you?

Some Life Lessons from the Old Man of the Sea

The old sailor sat at the window seat
So he could watch as the ships went by
And he drank from a glass that was always filled
For the rest of us would buy.
And he would tell us tales about the ships that sailed
When he was young and strong.
And when he thought we'd heard enough of his words
He'd break into this song.
Dee dee dee dah dah dah dee dee dee dah dah
Dah dah dee dee dee dum.

Each and every day he'd spend this way
Until the stroke of four
When a woman as rough as a dockside tough
Came bursting through the door.
She'd stalk up to that sailor
And he'd shrink to the size of a pin.
And she'd curse and shout and as she hauled him out
He'd say with a sheepish grin:

I've sailed the southern oceans
And the stormy northern sea,
But now that me sailin's over, me boys,
It's harbor time for me.
I know you call us Salt and Pepper,
For an old salt I may be,
But though she may be pepper to you, me boys,
She's sweet as sugar to me.
Dee dee dee dah dah dah dee dee dee dah dah
Dah dah dee dee dee dum.

Yes, we called them Salt and Pepper,
For that's the way she was
And it seemed she got as least as hot
As fresh red pepper does.
And a bunch of the boys made offers
To protect him from her wrath,
But each and every time, he would decline,
Declaring with a laugh:

I've sailed the southern oceans
And the stormy northern sea,
But now that me sailin's over, me boys,
It's harbor time for me.
I know you call us Salt and Pepper,
For an old salt I may be,
But though she may be pepper to you, me boys,
She's sweet as sugar to me.
Dee dee dee dah dah dah dee dee dee dah dah
Dah dah dee dee dee dum.

I've had my body broken,
Not drowned, but parched bone-dry.
I've heard my name be spoken,
I've spit in the Devil's eye.
The sea once was my mistress,
Now Pepper's replaced her.
But just another captain,
Like my tough old captains were.

And you can have your milquetoast ladies,
I'm made of old salt brine,
And the gal you saw had starch in her craw,
Not a lace instead of a spine.
Sure, the old girl can get tough at times,
But a sailor's what I've been,
And when a storm's about, you learn to ride it out,
So you can sail once again.

College- Looking Back 20 Years Ago....

Of course I picked a rainy night
To try to find our past
The street lights all were flickering
The leaves were falling fast

I walked down the winding road
Looked up through the trees
And I saw the corner window
That you once shared with me

It was Old College Avenue
And in the time of having you
I remember it as if it were today

The tiny room and the single bed
Though the tangled trails of time
Have led us far astray
The membrance seems to stay

And through all the roads
That led me on
And through all the years
That you've been gone
I have found that it would never go away

It was Old College Avenue
And in the time of having you
I remember it as if it were today

That fall turned into winter
The winter into spring
And all the while, you led me through
The sweet awakening

But summer never came that year
It's what you went to find
And you took my future with you
And you left your past behind

It was Old College Avenue
And in the time of having you
I remember it as if it were today

The tiny room and the single bed
Though the tangled trails of time
Have led us far astray
The membrance seems to stay

And through all the roads
That led me on
And through all the years
that you've been gone
I have found that it would never go away

It was Old College Avenue
And in the time of having you
I remember it as if it were today
I remember you
As if it were today

College Love- Someday Soon

There's a young man that I know whose age is twenty-one
Comes from down in southern Colorado
Just out of the service, he's lookin' for his fun
Someday soon, goin' with him someday soon

My parents can not stand him 'cause he rides the rodeo
My father says that he will leave me cryin'
I would follow him right down the roughest road I know
Someday soon, goin' with him someday soon

But when he comes to call, my pa ain't got a good word to say
Guess it's 'cause he's just as wild in his younger days

So blow, you old Blue Northern, blow my love to me
He's ridin' in tonight from California
He loves his damned old rodeo as much as he loves me
Someday soon, goin' with him someday soon

When he comes to call, my pa ain't got a word to say
Guess it's 'cause he's just as wild in his younger days

So blow, you old blue northern, blow my love to me
He's ridin' in tonight from California
He loves his damned old rodeo as much as he loves me
Someday soon, goin' with him someday soon
Someday soon, goin' with him

Smitty Dreams

Smitty dreams
He's a child to the end
What a joy
When you are your best friend
The world's such a toy
If you just stay a boy
You just spin it again and again

Smitty flies
With no use for disguise
Just escapes
Using mirrors and capes
And the words do the trick
There is no bigger kick
Than just rhyming again and again

Sound of the low tide
The smell of the rain
Traveling' alone
On my boat and my plane
Take it all in
It's as big as it seems
Count all your blessings
Remember your dreams

Smitty stares
Towards the bright Pleiades
It's so strange
What his distant eye sees
Who knows why you start
Rediscovering your heart
But you do it again and again

Sound of the low tide
Smell of the rain
Traveling alone
On my boat and my plane
Take it all in
It's as big as it seems
Count all your blessings
Remember your dreams

Smitty stares
Towards the bright Pleiades
It's so strange
What his distant eye sees
Who knows why you start
Rediscovering your heart
You just do it again and again

The world's still a toy
If you'll just stay a boy
And that's why Smitty dreams.

Dreaming of Home

She said I can't go back to America soon
It's so goddamn cold it's gonna snow until June
Yeah, they're freezin' up in Buffalo stuck in their cars
And I'm lyin' here 'neath the sun and the stars.

Customs man tell her that she's gotta leave
But she's got a plan hidden up her shrewd sleeve
Wants to find her a captain, a man of strong mind
And any direction he blows will be fine.

But, please don't say manana if you don't mean it
I have heard those words for so very long
Don't try to describe the ocean if you've never seen it
Don't ever forget that you just may wind up being wrong.

Tried and I tried but I don't understand
Never seems to work out the way I had it planned
Hanging out at a marina when Steve Martin called
Singin' anybody there really want to get small.

But women and water are in short supply
There's not enough dope for us all to get high
I hear it gets better, that's what they say
As soon as we sail on to Cane Garden Bay.

So, please don't say manana if you don't mean it
I have heard your lines foe so very long
Don't try to describe the scenery if you've never seen it
Don't ever forget that you just may wind up being wrong.

Called all my friends on those cheap nightly rates
Sure was good to talk to the old United States
While the lights of New Baghdad lie twenty clicks west
I see General Electric's still doing their best.

I've got to head this boat home pretty soon
My new book's are old and I'm fresh out of tunes
But I know that I'll get 'em, I know that they'll come
Through the people and places and Caldwood's Rum

So please don't say manana if you don't mean it
I have done your lines for so very long
Don't try to describe a Buffett concert if you've never seen it
Don't ever forget that you just may wind up being gone
 

Today's inspirational psalm from the Book of St. Jimmy

He's holed up down on Ramrod Key in the Tavenier Hotel
Livin' out his loneliness like an oyster in a shell
By days he pulls the trap line
By night he lives alone
Don't really feel like company

It's just him and his fridge and his phone

Meet me in Memphis 
That's where I'll be 
I'm by the river, please come back to me
Meet me in Memphis
My wild days are through
And nothin' replaces me next to you

He's been there since she ran away
She said she needs some space
Occasionally she still calls collect
From some god forsaken place

Then one day a letter came
Postmarked Tennessee
And the envelope scent
And the postage spent
Well it lit up her old memory

I know she could break my heart again
But I'm gonna play and I'm gonna win
Where Otis would play
Da da da dock of the bay 

 

A Psalm from the Book of St. Jimmy

I took off for a weekend last month
Just to try and recall the whole year.
All of the faces and all of the places,
wonderin' where they all disappeared.
I didn't ponder the question too long;
I was hungry and went out for a bite.
Ran into a chum with a bottle of rum,
and we wound up drinkin' all night.

It's those changes in latitudes,
changes in attitudes nothing remains quite the same.
With all of our running and all of our cunning,
If we couldn't laugh, we would all go insane.

Reading departure signs in some big airport
Reminds me of the places I've been.
Visions of good times that brought so much pleasure
Makes me want to go back again.
If it suddenly ended tomorrow,
I could somehow adjust to the fall.
Good times and riches and son of a bitches,
I've seen more than I can recall

I think about Paris when I'm high on red wine,
I wish I could jump on a plane.
And so many nights I just dream of the ocean.
God, I wish I was sailin' again.
Oh, yesterdays are over my shoulder,
So I can't look back for too long.
There's just too much to see waiting in front of me,
and I know that I just can't go wrong
with these...

These changes in latitudes, changes in attitudes,
Nothing remains quite the same.
Through all of the islands and all of the highlands,
If we couldn't laugh we would all go insane

Letter to a soldier so far away from home...

Dear, I thought I'd drop a line.
The weather's cool. The folks are fine.
I'm in bed each night at nine.
P.S. I love you.

Yesterday we had some rain,
but all in all I can't complain.
Was it dusty on the train?
P.S. I love you.

Write to the Browns just as soon as you're able.
They came around to call.
I burned a hole in the dining room table.
And let me see, I guess that's all.

Nothin' else for me to say,
and so I'll close. Oh, by the way,
everybody's thinkin' of you.
P.S. I love you.

I do my best to obey all your wishes.
I put a sign up. Think
now I got to buy us a new set of dishes,
or wash the ones that have piled in the sink.

Nothing else to tell you, dear.
Except, each day feels like a year.
Every night I'm dreamin' of you.
P.S. I love you.
P.S. I love you.

The Last Farewell

There's a ship that lies rigged and ready in the harbor
Tomorrow for old England she sails
Far away from your land of endless sunshine
To my land full of rainy skies and gales
And I shall be on board that ship tomorrow
Though my heart is full of tears at this farewell
For you are beautiful and I have loved you dearly
More dearly than the spoken word can tell
For you are beautiful and I have loved you dearly
More dearly than the spoken word can tell.

I heard there's a wicked war a blazing
And the taste of war I know so very well
Even now I see the foreign flag a raising
Their guns on fire as we sailed into hell
I have no fear of death it brings no sorrow
But how bitter will be this last farewell
For you are beautiful and I have loved you dearly
More dearly than the spoken word can tell.

Though death and darkness gather all about me
And my ship be torn apart upon the sea
I shall smell again the fragrance of these islands
In the heaving waves that brought me once to thee
And should I return safe home again to England
I shall watch the English mist roll through the Dales
For you are beautiful and I have loved you dearly
More dearly than the spoken word can tell.

Iraq- A Day In The Life

It was a slow day,
And the sun was beating
On the soldiers by the side of the road,
There was a bright light,
A shattering of shop windows
The bomb in the baby carriage
Was wired to the radio,
These are the days of miracle and wonder,
This is the long distance call,
The way the camera follows us in slo-mo
The way we look to us all,
The way we look to a distant constellation
That's dying in a corner of the sky,
These are the days of miracle and wonder
And don't cry baby don't cry
Don't cry,

It was a dry wind,
And it swept across the desert
And it curled into the circle of birth,
And the dead sand,
Falling on the children
The mothers and the fathers
And the automatic earth,
These are the days of miracle and wonder,
This is the long distance call,
The way the camera follows us in slo-mo
The way we look to us all o-yeah,
The way we look to a distant constellation
That's dying in a corner of the sky,
These are the days of miracle and wonder
And don't cry baby don't cry
Don't cry

It's a turn-around jump shot
It's everybody jump start
It's, every generation throws a hero up the pop charts,
Medicine is magical and magical is art think of
The Boy in the Bubble
And the baby with the baboon heart

And I believe
These are the days of lasers in the jungle,
Lasers in the jungle somewhere,
Staccato signals of constant information,
A loose affiliation of millionaires
And billionaires and baby,
These are the days of miracle and wonder,
This is the long distance call,
The way the camera follows us in slo-mo
The way we look to us all o-yeah,
The way we look to a distant constellation
That's dying in a corner of the sky,
These are the days of miracle and wonder
And don't cry baby don't cry
Don't cry don't cry..........................................

Mess Of Potamia

THEY shall not return to us, the resolute, the young
    The eager and whole-hearted whom we gave:
But the men who left them thriftily to die in their own dung,
    Shall they come with years and honour to the grave?

They shall not return to us, the strong men coldly slain
    In sight of help denied from day to day:
But the men who edged their agonies and chid them in their pain,
    Are they too strong and wise to put away?

Our dead shall not return to us while Day and Night divide—
    Never while the bars of sunset hold.
But the idle-minded overlings who quibbled while they died,
    Shall they thrust for high employments as of old?

Shall we only threaten and be angry for an hour?
    When the storm is ended shall we find
How softly but how swiftly they have sidled back to power
    By the favour and contrivance of their kind?

Even while they soothe us, while they promise large amends,
    Even while they make a show of fear,
Do they call upon their debtors, and take council with their friends,
    To confirm and re-establish each career?

Their lives cannot repay us—their death could not undo—
    The shame that they have laid upon our race.
But the slothfulness that wasted and the arrogance that slew,
    Shall we leave it unabated in its place?

-- Rudyard Kipling (1917)

That's What Livin' Is To Me

Jason Mason hears the sound
The whistle blows in Congo town
And the mail boat's in, mail boat's in
Brings him things from oh so far
Old magazines and Snicker bars
A simple man, a simple plan
The world's too big to understand

Be good and you will be lonesome
Be lonesome and you will be free
Live a lie and you will live to regret it
That's what livin' is to me
That's what livin' is to me

On a timeless beach in Hispaniola
Young girl sips a diet cola
She's worlds apart, worlds apart
Spirit of the black king still
Reverberates through Haitian hills
He rules the sea and all the fish
What if he had a TV dish?

Be good and you will be lonesome
Be lonesome and you will be free
Live a lie and you will live to regret it
That's what livin' is to me
That's what livin' is to me

Now in the far off regions the foreign legion
Keep the thieves and the predators at bay
While closer to home some bad boys still roam
The streets aren't safe so give it one more day
One more day
One more day

Stories from my favorite books
Still take on many different looks
And I'm gone again, home again
The time has come the walrus said
And little oysters hide their head
My Twain of thought is loosely bound
I guess it's time to Mark this down

No Mail Today....

Why don't you write me

I'm out in the jungle
I'm hungry to hear you.
Send me a card,
I am waiting so hard
To be near you.
(La, la, la)
Why don't you write?
Something is wrong
And I know I got to be there.
Maybe I'm lost,
But I can't make the cost
Of the airfare.
Tell me why
Why
Why
Tell me why
Why
Why

Why don't you write me,
A letter would brighten
My loneliest evening.
Mail it today
If it's only to say
That you're leaving me.

Monday morning, sitting in the sun
Hoping and wishing for the mail to come.
Tuesday, never got a word,
Wednesday, Thursday, ain't no sign,
Drank a half a bottle of iodine.
Friday, woe is me
Gonna hang my body from the highest tree.
Why don't you write me?

You know you've been in Iraq too long when...

When on R&R you plan your day to ensure you are within close distance of a porta potty after eating dinner because of too many "sphere of influence" engagements with the Iraqis.

When you use the porta potty at 0400 in late summer, see the winter constellation "Orion" in the night sky, and cheer because winter is coming!

When mortars land near your compound and you roll over in bed and think "still way off, I got another 5 minutes"

When you start humming with the Arabic song playing on the radio on the shuttle bus

Every woman that reports to your unit starts looking attractive

Every man that reports to your unit starts looking attractive

You walk an extra 6 blocks to eat at the KBR (contractor run) dining facility to have the exact same food they are serving in your dining facility because you think it tastes better

You actually volunteer for convoy security duty because you still haven't seen the country yet

You start picturing your wife in a traditional Arab dress

The contractors have more fire power than the military combat units. (This is sad, but true)

You take the time to add your lines to this list

You drink the water from the tap because you want to drop 20 pounds in two weeks (done that, don't recommend it!!)

Driving around in SUVs with weapons pointed out the windows and forcing cars off the road seems very normal to you

You can put your body armor and helmet on in the dark in under 5 seconds

When the organization you work for has changed its name more than 3 times

When you can actually talk to people in the United States on a cell phone, yet you can't get people on their cell phone a block away

When you actually spend more time writing e-mail about the dog in the compound versus how to conduct the fight in Najaf

Your idea of a fun Thursday night is to go to the Palace pool to watch the State Department folks get drunk, naked and try to pick each other up

When you actually get excited to get a package that contains 3 pair of socks, 12 bars of soap and a Victoria Secret Catalog

When you start to enjoy the rocking of the trailer every time the MEDEVAC choppers fly over

You memorized every episode from the 4th Season of Sex in the City

You enjoy the audience commentary while watching a bootleg movie bought at the Haji mart

You see celebratory fire going over the compound at night and think, "wow the colors are so pretty" and want to fire back

Your thinking of buying real estate in the green zone

You wake up and think Baghdad, "I am still in friggin Baghdad!"

You make the new guy show you his count down timer just to make you feel better about your time you have left in country

You're in the Army and you start saying Ooorah

You're in the Marines and you start saying Hooah

You're in the Navy and you realize you are in the middle of the desert, the exact opposite of being in the middle of the ocean, where one might normally find the Navy.

You're in the Air Force, and you're on the plane home because an Air Force tour is too short to have been a long Iraq tour. Ignore this list, zoomie, you won't get it.

You only notice the stench of Haji funk when its not there

You plan on removing all trees and grass in your yard when you get home so it will look more natural

You forget there are other colors than brown that can be found in places other than power point slides

The temp drops down to 102 degrees and you shiver while reaching for your Gortex jacket

You have noticed a change of season, from long, hot and dry to short, cold and wet.

When you call home and your kids ask "Who is this?"

You call home and your wife says hello Bill (your name is Sam)

When you go on R&R, you duct tape your child to the roof of your car, hand him a pellet rifle, and assign him a sector of fire for the ride to "The Olive Garden."

When you can comfortably shave and brush your teeth using bottled water, but don't mind showering in the "non-potable" local water.

While on R&R, you look out the window and find Nature, which leads you to wonder who stole your sandbags.

When some of the contractors wear their DCUs (Desert pattern camouflage uniform) more properly than some of your soldiers.

When 12 hours is a short work day

You go Battle Captains!

When you start using words like G'day mate, Cheers, and Bloody hell as part of your normal vocabulary

When you have your opinions printed in the STARS and STRIPES more than 3 times

When the palace catches fire and instead of helping to put it out you grab a bag of marshmallows and start roasting

When you step into any office and there are 6 colonels, 12 lieutenant colonels, 15 majors, and 8 captains supervising the work of 1 sergeant

When you end every phone conversation with "Out"

When you're ordered to get an air mission together on short notice because it's a "Hot priority" only to have the Major call back once he is in the air to ask "Does anyone know where I am going?"

When the weapon buyback program has become so successful that you have issued the same AK-47 to the Iraqi army 3 times

When you can actually tell the difference between the sound of an exploding car and an exploding mortar

When on R & R you tell your wife that your weapon status is Red and your looking for the clearing barrel

When on R&R you go to Church and wonder why no one is wearing body armor or carrying an automatic weapon to the service

You see an indirect fire attack take out a generator and get angry at the enemy for not hitting the one that powers your computer

You see an indirect fire attack take out an air conditioner and your vigor to fight is renewed

You yell at the FNG for shouting incoming when the rounds don't impact close enough to hit your tent with dirt

You know that you need to run inside immediately after any win of an Iraqi sports team to keep from being hit by celebratory fire

You decide for that for shits and grins - lets take a run around Lost Lake at Camp Victory to see if we can get shot at by the sniper

You never worry about oversleeping because if the morning call to prayers doesn't wake you, the daily 0430 mortar attack will (most mornings)

The highlight of your shopping experience at the PX is to see that they got in a new shipment of Schick Tracer razor blades

When you send out your laundry and your whites become grayer, your blacks become grayer and your DCU's become grayer - makes it easier to sort loads...

You get offended by people wearing clean, pressed DCU's

You decide that it is a better course of action to pull your blankets over your head than put on your body armor during a mortar attack

You make a contest out of seeing who can wear their uniform for more days before becoming entirely disgusted with themselves

You wonder if the fish served at dinner really was carp caught out of the Tigris or Camp Victory's lake

A rocket or a mortar really isn't a big deal until the crater it leaves is big enough to trip over in the dark on the way to the latrine

You go to a social gathering and intermittent gun fire or explosions don't even cause a pause in the conversation

Are You Ready For Some Football?

Babylon Diary: Shopping in the Green Zone

By César G. Soriano and Zaid Sabah, USA TODAY

 

Yet another article on daily life here in Central Baghdad

 

(bazaar outside of the embassy PX)

 

BAGHDAD — Mehdi Mohammed's antiques business has never been better.

On a good day, he sells more than $1,000 worth of carpets, gold jewelry, ornate copper bowls and brass vases.

His success is thanks to a customer base with disposable cash and few opportunities to spend it. Mohammed, 45, is one of several dozen Iraqi vendors who run souvenir shops inside Baghdad's Green Zone.

The Green Zone is a 4-square mile, heavily fortified compound that is home to about 5,000 troops, American diplomats and civilian contractors. About 10,000 Iraqis live inside the area. It's a city-within-a-city, complete with restaurants, cafes and cinemas.

The Iraqi bazaar, where Mohammed works, is part of a shopping center operated by the Army & Air Force Exchange Service, better known as the PX. The courtyard mall also features a Burger King, Subway and even a car dealership.

Many American diplomats and officers rarely get outside the protected Green Zone. And on occasions when they do, there is no opportunity to stop and visit shops. So the PX brought the Iraqi merchants to the base.

Mohammed says he was recruited by American troops who paid a visit to his family's antique shop in Baghdad's Karrada district.

"There are no foreigners and few Iraqis shopping for antiques at our downtown store. But here, business is much, much better," says Mohammed, whose shop specializes in carpets and rugs that range from $150 to $7,000.

"Most of my customers are U.S. Embassy officials and military officers," he says.

Navy Lt. Cmdr. Tom Thygesen was shopping recently for rugs for his wife and mother-in-law. "I wish we could go out and shop among the populous if it weren't so disruptive and dangerous," Thygesen says. "Unfortunately, this is one of the few ways we can really interact with local Iraqis. They've got really nice quality stuff for decent prices. And it's mutually beneficial. It's nice to be able to help these guys," the Chicago native says.

Iraqi vendors undergo thorough background checks before they are permitted to set up shop in the Green Zone.

Vendor Fadhil Sinheir, 36, got his job four months ago through the recommendation of a friend who was already working in the bazaar. Sinheir couldn't be happier.

"Sales are up right now because everyone is buying Christmas gifts for their children and families," says Sinheir, whose stall sells humorous stickers, patches and worthless currency notes from the Saddam Hussein era.

His most popular item is a $15 beach towel that reads, "Caution: Stay 100 meters back or you will be shot" in English and Arabic. It's a parody of a sign often posted on U.S. military vehicles and warns that "deadly force is authorized" if orders to keep a distance are not followed.

Abbas Subhi, who runs a tobacco and trinket shop in the bazaar, says his most popular items are hookahs, tea sets and antiques — "anything related to Iraqi culture."

He complains that his sales are falling because of growing competition.

"They are opening Iraqi bazaars all over this base and at other bases in Iraq. Our sales have been down this month," says Subhi, 26.

In addition to submitting to background checks, Iraqi vendors must pay a percentage of the sales — 10% to 25% — to the Army and Air Force Exchange Service, which in turn uses the money to fund entertainment and recreation programs for soldiers.

Like most Iraqis who work on U.S. bases, the bazaar vendors worry about being targeted by extremists. "Because of where I work, it is very easy to get killed," says Ammar Dexin, 26.